Should Women Approach Men?

The following are some posts I made in a singles thread once about women approaching men for dating:

I see nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man.

I see two aspects of this. First is there a scriptural element, is this appropriate per the scriptures? Secondly, in our respective societies and cultures (not all are Americans here in these forums), what are the practical and security considerations?

I think that regarding the first part it is my assertion that a lot of our beliefs about this aspect of relationships comes from our cultural context. However, I think this deserves some exegesis.

So I am going to start looking through the scriptures for general and regulative principles. Just to keep things out of the Jewish cultural context, I will not be going to the Old Testament scriptures at this time, but instead I will concentrate on the New Testament scriptures first, then look to the OT second. I believe this is proper given that my pre-supposition is that our beliefs are mostly cultural and the NT has the most cross-cultural instructions.

This should be fun. I am really curious what scriptures will be used to support the various opinions.

Now regarding the second part, as an American, our culture and society is fairly level in this regard and has been for many generations. There exists a prevailing myth that the woman never approached first. However in hearing the stories from my own extended family about our past and present, I don't see there being any major alignment to either side.

Yet, I think it is culturally appropriate for Americans at least that the man be the one to propose. Maybe this is just tradition in me speaking, but as I think about it, it makes more sense. Using the scriptural model of the man being the head of the house, it only makes sense that he be the one to initiate such a union as he will be absorbing the bulk of the financial and leadership responsibilities.

Still, I have no problem with a woman approaching a man like me first to say "hey I like you". In fact, where is she?

post:

So when asked about the kinds of signal's a girl can give, the most "obvious" signals by girls' standards are not even seen by a guy. Subtlety is not the art of the male typically. It's easy. Follow me here.

1. Sitting alone looking pretty is not an obvious sign, maybe you always look like that. We can't tell if you are looking pretty specifically for us.

2. An occasional smile is not an obvious sign, everyone smiles. If you just smile at me when I stare, you could be just being polite, or smiling at the person behind me.

3. Laughing at his jokes is not an obvious sign, he obviously thinks they are funny anyway. We think we are funny. The laugh is expected anyway. Again, not a sign.

4. Doing things in secret hoping they are noticed is not an obvious sign, ask any woman in a relationship, they will tell you, guys don't notice this kind of stuff.

5. Giving gifts could be a sign, but could just weird us out unless we knew you better. So avoid this sign.

6. Hanging around near us a lot is not necessarily a sign. If we are confident, we expect people to want to. If we are not, we may think you are a loser like ourselves.

So what do you do then?

1. Just smile, say "hi", and follow that with "I noticed you" or "I like you". Trust me, if the guy is at all remotely interested, his brain just went from park to overdrive. That is how simple it is.

Thar's all. But I must caution you. Do not walk up to a guy and do that unless you want his attention, because you will get it.

post:

I was asked what it meant to "approach" a male. I responded with the following.

Well I don't think it means approach as in landing lights, wind sock, radar tower, and the like. I think of it as simple as a girl walking over to a guy and saying "hi, I just noticed you and wanted to introduce myself". Or even sending an email to a guy to say "hi, I just saw something you posted and wanted to talk about it with you"

post:

Let me just say I am truly thankful for one woman in particular to take a small amount of initiative and email me just to say "hi" and "that was a good post". And then to email me a second time to say "isn't that sig line from Dune?"

That is all the approach it took. And I am thankful and happy for that approach.

Amy, thank you for approaching me so I could approach you and God could bring us together in His timing. And as we continue to walk toward each other, and cover these miles, it was you who took the first step. Thank you. I love you.