To me, finding my life partner is an overtly spiritual journey. But there are general and regulative principles from scripture to apply here. These principles tell me that my focus is to be on God, but I am perfectly free to seek a life partner, and in my case, should do so. There are also principles that tell me that God is in control, and I must be active in seeking this partner to work with God. At no time are these scriptural principles at odds. On the contrary the complement each other well.
So my question is:
How much of our dating and seeking a partner in life is overtly spiritual and how much is under spiritual principles but is more akin to just daily living?
To be sure, I am not condemning anyone for how they perceive their own spiritual life or how they proceed with their singleness. I just don't agree with everyone.
For starters, some have the impression that I have somehow separated out finding my future special woman from my spiritual walk. Well, you were wrong in the presumption and over-analysis of my question. That is simply not the case.
Indeed, as this is one of the most significant journeys of my life, I involve God in all aspects of it including praying for wisdom and guidance for myself, praying for God to provide me with the right woman, and praying that God protect me from the pain, betrayal, and my own fears of the past.
What I personally think of when I refer to over-spiritualizing our singleness and dating, is when people do one of the following:
- Apply general and regulative principles from the scriptures inappropriately. For example, there is a general principle that we be in the world but not of it, and then misapplying that to say I could never take a date to a non-Christian movie.
- Translate a command of God into a set of rules to limit freedom in Christ. For example, we are commanded to do all things to the glory of God, and then misapplying that to say that based on their opinion of some things, like going bowling or to the movies, certain activities are prohibited because they do not overtly glorify God.
- Look at practical living and place undue spiritual emphasis on physical matters. For example, there is no spiritual dilemma in choosing the color of my shirt when I would go to meet my special woman on a date. She may have a preference for a specific color for me to wear, and I want to please her, but I do not have to fret and wring my hands over it.
- Take spiritual direction in one person's life and assume it is generally applicable to all. For example, some may have been single a long time and now feel that God has given them the direction that they are to remain single and not to worry about it. But that does not mean that all singles are to simply accept that direction given to another. We are to look to God in our own walk, our own situations, and pursue His purpose for our lives with vigor and clarity, and I believe that means at times doing something that may seem completely opposite of what another has been directed to do.
- Looking at a particular situation in your life and using the temporal feeling you have as your spiritual barometer. Two examples: a) you find someone you are REALLY attracted to and you know "this must be the one" and you move too quickly, when it may just be your natural attraction to them and you end up getting hurt, and b) you find someone you are REALLY attracted to, but you don't get that feeling of "the one" and you move too slowly and lose the opportunity and end up getting hurt.
- Taking the scriptures too far in our practical daily lives. For example, some have made statements that sound pious, but when taken exactly as written, without the context of the scriptures around it, would indicate our very existence should be day and night reading the Word and praying with only minimal bodily sustenance and the rejection of all pleasures. God never intended that for everyone, and only arguably for monks.
This does not mean I set up the scales with God on one side and all my other stuff of life on the other. Absolutely not!
This DOES mean that I have to balance all things in my life on the fulcrum of God. He is my underpinning, my foundation, and in Him only do I find my existence. But He also destined me for a full life to enjoy His creation and all His spiritual and physical blessings He has in store for me.
For this man Kevin, I fully believe and feel directed by God, that I am to seek and pursue a godly woman to fulfill my emotional and physical needs as my wife. And she will be the one that, in like fashion, God would have directed her to seek me to be the one to fulfill her emotional and physical needs as her husband.
You know its interesting to note that the longer I walk the earth, the easier it is to see how amazing God is and how He has planned and moved completely without my help. I find that comforting. And when I see God in everything, it becomes quite natural to see how God weaves our lives together. So the longer I walk with Christ, the more natural it becomes to see the handiwork of God in all things.
And for me, the more natural that becomes, and the more I see His hand at work, the more natural it looks. So it is no longer some deep spiritual movement that I see in a particular situation or event, but the quite obvious and natural movement of the Holy Spirit at work. And thus all things are of God's creation, order, and design and are moved according to His purpose.
So then the "natural" world for me becomes God's world. It is not God moving in a foreign world. It is God moving His plan, and His works, through His creation. And knowing that I am a part of that creation, I know that He has placed me in this world specifically, it was not by chance, it was ordained of God. And to this purpose: we are all here to Glorify God.
God delights in His creation. He has created a marvelous dwelling for us all. Even while it is in this fallen state, it is beautiful. I can only imagine how much more beautiful it was before the fall. So when I look to the creation, I see animals moving and living, birthing and dying, and hunting and eating. God has made it clear that it is He that feeds all these creatures and sustains them. Yet they still take action and move and hunt and kill in order to survive. The images that come to mind are that of lions chasing prey and, funny enough, a bird "listening" for worms to pull from the ground.
So it appears to me that living in the creation with God at the helm and in control of all things is a fact of existence. And like the lions and the birds, I must be at all times actively working for God, to do His will in my life, and listen to him for my sustenance.
And now back to the OP. It is clear to me, that there is no conflict between my active participation in my relationships and pursuit of a wife and my being mindful and listening to God for His direction. I must do both. I must work according to His plan for my life and I must listen to Him to know what that plan is.
For me, then, living is spiritual by nature and so I find God in all events and activities of life even when I am not looking for Him. Thank God for that.
Edited to note: And all that worked. I found my lifelong mate, Amy. I was not looking for her, but God drew us together and we only did as He would have us do. So we emailed, we called, and we talked. And in all things, God was moving. I love that woman, Amy, my wife.
